I hurried not to be late for it. It’s the nth time and my mind can’t still absorb, like a dry sponge, that time runs so fast. I didn’t even notice the proctor already had given the instructions. I knew it, I know. There’s no more telling me of what to do. I prepared for this and part of it is to research every minutia of this make-or-break moment. So, I know.
The papers are on my desk. I stared at it without scanning its pages. I began to flinch. “Why Carl?”, I asked myself. It’s just an exam. Indeed, it is but it isn’t just an ordinary exam where you can easily elbow the thought of misfiring it. Others will but I can’t, I think. I want to pass this one. I want to study here. I had enough before I won’t let this be an addendum to my compendium of frustrations.
I started answering. I can feel it rushing and churning. I’m trying to surmount the butterflies as they flutter their wings inside my stomach by setting a cool equanimity. Yes, it is working and flowing as planned. What they say is true. We all withhold at first but there’s no use of sustaining it until the end.
I am nearly done with the first part. It’s fairly easy. The room’s so tranquil. I can only hear the sound of silence and few sighs from every student. All heads bowing down, squinting their eyes just to see every detail of every question. I suddenly felt the pang of this stiff competition and most, the thought of losing it. My eyes wandered though the room. I thought, “How many of us here inside will pass the LAE?”. I hoped so hard to be one of those whose names will be posted in the Admissions Bulletin “For Interview”. I can’t afford to fail. I am all ready for this match. Take it everywhere and I am willing to fist-fight with anyone.
I let out a placating sigh just to appease my mind. It wanders so much, I can’t focus.
Time is up!
The room started to be filled with grouch, all of them asking for a minute, even an hour, more. I thought, “As if.”
Damn. I’m not yet done. I told myself for the nth time, “Carl, time runs fast.”
I tried to finish my own. I don’t know how many questions are still unanswered. I just took advantage of the every second.
But, why are they packing and standing up? We just finished the first part. There are still four to go. Nobody’s paying attention to me since I asked not. I can’t enthrall the moment. What’s happening? Others already went out. I can hear their banter about the exam. “Blabbermouths,” I imagined.
I stood up and asked the proctor, “Why are they going out?”
“The exam’s over. Let me have yours.” she replied as she reached for my test papers.
“But we’ve just finished the first part.”
“Where the hell is your mind kiddo? The exam’s over. See that? You’re holding the other four. Don’t tell me you didn’t answer it?”
I slowly scan the papers on my hand as if there could be some monster that would surface in it and devour me just like Grendel of Beowulf. “Holy shit.”
I suddenly felt the black hole eating me up. Nobody’s there to offer a hand to pull me. It seems a lightning struck and stunned me for the whole damn moment.
I asked her, “May I still answer the other four, Miss?”
Hastily she replied, “No.”
“Please Ma’am. Let me. Please” Tears began to run down my face. This couldn’t be happening.
Again, this time with an exasperating tone, she said plainly, “No.”
I can hear murmurs and snickers in my mind. I tried to understand what’s happening. I sat down for a while forcing my mind to absorb everything. I wept and I am alone.
“Goodness!” as my body jolted on my bed. I squinted at the clock as it reads 6:00 AM.
“Ang sama ng panaginip ko, Ma. Hindi ko daw nasagutan iyong apat na parts ng UP LAE.”
“Hindi totoo yan. Kabaligtaran ang mangyayari. Yan kasi hindi ka nagsisimba at nagdadasal bago matulog. Kumain ka na.” sagot ni mama.
I’m glad it was just a dream but it’s so close to reality that I even convinced myself it’s close to happening.
I won’t let that happen. I won’t.
Hotdogs, pandesal and noodles for breakfast. Wohoho.
O__o
The papers are on my desk. I stared at it without scanning its pages. I began to flinch. “Why Carl?”, I asked myself. It’s just an exam. Indeed, it is but it isn’t just an ordinary exam where you can easily elbow the thought of misfiring it. Others will but I can’t, I think. I want to pass this one. I want to study here. I had enough before I won’t let this be an addendum to my compendium of frustrations.
I started answering. I can feel it rushing and churning. I’m trying to surmount the butterflies as they flutter their wings inside my stomach by setting a cool equanimity. Yes, it is working and flowing as planned. What they say is true. We all withhold at first but there’s no use of sustaining it until the end.
I am nearly done with the first part. It’s fairly easy. The room’s so tranquil. I can only hear the sound of silence and few sighs from every student. All heads bowing down, squinting their eyes just to see every detail of every question. I suddenly felt the pang of this stiff competition and most, the thought of losing it. My eyes wandered though the room. I thought, “How many of us here inside will pass the LAE?”. I hoped so hard to be one of those whose names will be posted in the Admissions Bulletin “For Interview”. I can’t afford to fail. I am all ready for this match. Take it everywhere and I am willing to fist-fight with anyone.
I let out a placating sigh just to appease my mind. It wanders so much, I can’t focus.
Time is up!
The room started to be filled with grouch, all of them asking for a minute, even an hour, more. I thought, “As if.”
Damn. I’m not yet done. I told myself for the nth time, “Carl, time runs fast.”
I tried to finish my own. I don’t know how many questions are still unanswered. I just took advantage of the every second.
But, why are they packing and standing up? We just finished the first part. There are still four to go. Nobody’s paying attention to me since I asked not. I can’t enthrall the moment. What’s happening? Others already went out. I can hear their banter about the exam. “Blabbermouths,” I imagined.
I stood up and asked the proctor, “Why are they going out?”
“The exam’s over. Let me have yours.” she replied as she reached for my test papers.
“But we’ve just finished the first part.”
“Where the hell is your mind kiddo? The exam’s over. See that? You’re holding the other four. Don’t tell me you didn’t answer it?”
I slowly scan the papers on my hand as if there could be some monster that would surface in it and devour me just like Grendel of Beowulf. “Holy shit.”
I suddenly felt the black hole eating me up. Nobody’s there to offer a hand to pull me. It seems a lightning struck and stunned me for the whole damn moment.
I asked her, “May I still answer the other four, Miss?”
Hastily she replied, “No.”
“Please Ma’am. Let me. Please” Tears began to run down my face. This couldn’t be happening.
Again, this time with an exasperating tone, she said plainly, “No.”
I can hear murmurs and snickers in my mind. I tried to understand what’s happening. I sat down for a while forcing my mind to absorb everything. I wept and I am alone.
“Goodness!” as my body jolted on my bed. I squinted at the clock as it reads 6:00 AM.
“Ang sama ng panaginip ko, Ma. Hindi ko daw nasagutan iyong apat na parts ng UP LAE.”
“Hindi totoo yan. Kabaligtaran ang mangyayari. Yan kasi hindi ka nagsisimba at nagdadasal bago matulog. Kumain ka na.” sagot ni mama.
I’m glad it was just a dream but it’s so close to reality that I even convinced myself it’s close to happening.
I won’t let that happen. I won’t.
Hotdogs, pandesal and noodles for breakfast. Wohoho.
O__o
